


case study:  the effects of cold stimuli upon turgidity

by Dresupi



Series: Fool Me Once; Fool Me Twice (April Fool's Crack Smut) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, F/M, I'm not sure if that's even a thing, Ice Play, Oral Sex, Science Kink, Smut, but it is now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 00:33:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10525188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Bruce's word choice gives Darcy the giggles.But Bruce is particularly fond of Darcy's giggles, so it's not really a bad thing.Also, science happens.  Sexy science.  Science SEX-periments!Written for the Darcyland April Fool's Day Challenge, Day 2:  Ridiculous Adjectives





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read about the Smut Challenge [here](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/157863665183/hey-guys-have-you-ever-wanted-a-reason-to)
> 
> Special thanks to amidtheflowers for beta-reading this for me! :D <3

 

Darcy snort-laughed again, double clicking the mouse.  The combined sounds were enough to drive Bruce crazy.  Or they would be, if he didn’t absolutely adore the sound of Darcy’s laugh.  

The mouse clicking though...now  _ that _ was infuriating.  

“What are you laughing at”, he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer…”  Bruce deadpanned without looking up from the book he was reading.  

“Nothing.  Just that your verb choice here is a little... _ different _ .”  

“They’re lab notes, Darcy.  I’m not looking to win any writing awards.”  

“I know but... _ turgid?”   _

“What’s wrong with  _ turgid _ ?”  He put the book down in his lap.  “The Hulk’s flesh  _ does  _ become turgid during transformation.”  

She visibly swallowed her laughter.  “I know…”  

“It means swollen and distended,” he informed her. 

“DUDE, I know.  Don’t mansplain the vocab.”  

“Sorry…” Bruce picked up his book again. “Didn’t mean to mansplain…I know you know what it means.  It was...rhetorical.”  

“Rhetorical mansplaining?”  

He looked at her over his glasses.  “Forgive me?”  

“Always, Snookums.”  She blew him a kiss which he awkwardly caught in his hand.  “Okay well,  _ rhetorically speaking _ , are you aware of the connotations of that particular verb choice in modern fiction? Specifically ROMANTIC fiction?” 

Realization dawned on him and he chuckled.  “Ah.”  

“‘Ah’ is right.  How can you expect me to read through this with a straight face if you’re throwing  _ turgid _ around left and right?  You might as well say that his skin gets dewy with perspiration while transforming.  Or describe how the swarthiness of your face is present in his as well.  Or how his  _ heaving _ …”  

“Okay, okay, I get it. I will cease and desist with the  _ turgid  _ descriptions.  Even if it  _ is _ the best word to describe the state of the Hulk’s flesh during transformation.”

“Dude. You don’t have to change a thing, just be prepared for me to giggle at your notes.”

He leaned over, plucking her laptop from her lap and placing it safely on the coffee table.  “If you’re going to giggle, I want to be the cause…”  

“You  _ are _ , technically…” she teased, leaning back as he crawled over her.  He bent down, pressing his lips against hers and barely stifling a low growl when she ran her fingers through his hair.  

His fingers itched to touch her, to move along her smooth skin, to feel her shiver beneath his ministrations.  

“You are exquisitely perfect…” he murmured.  

She ducked away from his lips, grinning mischievously as she tugged at his belt and the buttons on his pants.  “And you...Dr. Banner…”  Her fingers skated down his abdomen and into his pants.  “Are delightfully swollen and distended…”  She arched an eyebrow and wrapped her fingers around him.  

His breath huffed out, ruffling her hair.  He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of her fingers and not on the beast within him rattling the bars of its cage.  It wasn’t so much of a problem anymore, not since he and Darcy had regularly been performing a series of sexually charged experiments since they’d been together.  

Now, the Other Guy felt like an intrusive thought, one that could easily be dispelled by the low timbre of Darcy’s voice, or by what she called her bedroom eyes.  

“Yup, I’d say there is some definitely  _ turgid  _ behavior going down in your pants, Doctor.”  

He took her bottom lip in his teeth, nibbling softly as she stroked up and down his -- yes,  _ turgid _ \-- length.  “I always seem to have this issue in your presence...there is definitely a correlating ratio of blood flow to a certain appendage and the cheekiness of my assistant-cum-girlfriend…”  

“Oh, I love it when you bring science into the bedroom…”  

He grinned and reached down to disengage her hand, tugging it out from the front of his pants.  “I’d love to bring  _ you _ into the bedroom...unless you’d rather I conduct this experiment on the sofa…”  

“Ooo, an experiment? Implements? Supplies needed?” she asked breathlessly.  

He leaned down to steal another kiss, brushing his lips over hers and revelling in the way her breath became heavier.  “This is completely spontaneous, but I was thinking we should test the effects of cold stimuli on certain turgid appendages…”  he arched his eyebrow and kissed her again.  “I’ll gather the supplies, maybe you could...wait for me in the other room?  I’ll be in need of assistance, I’m sure…”  

She pressed her lips firmly against his and stood up, running back to the bedroom with a giggle.  

* * *

Darcy popped some of the crushed ice into her mouth, pumping Bruce’s cock with the opposite hand.  Her hand, slicked by the lube she’d utilized earlier, moved up and down his latex-covered member.  

No matter how many tests he did, Bruce wasn’t ever comfortable barebacking.  As much as Darcy wanted him to feel the slide of her tongue against his skin, she respected his boundaries.  He’d already torn down so many for her, she could make her peace with this one.    

He was gripping handfuls of the sheets, his hips fighting the urge to buck up towards her face.   

Bruce whimpered when she slid her lips over the head, the ice was already melting, ragged edges smoothed by the heat of her mouth.  

She teased him with her tongue, icy and slick.  She ran it around the ridge at the tip before moving down the shaft.  

She swished the cold, icy water, feeling some slip from her lips as she bobbed her head.  Shallow movements at first, going deeper with each pass.     

His muscles were taut.  _ Turgid,  _ she thought gleefully. And his mouth was open, eyes closed as she slid her lips up and down his cock.  

She moved a little further each time, letting the icy water drip slowly from her lips.  He jumped each time, a hiss or a low moan escaping.  

The ice melted completely, the water warming in her mouth as she sped up her ministrations.  Most of it was lost through the slick seal of her lips around his member as she glided up and down his length.  

She could take him deeper once the ice was gone. Darcy reached down between her legs to press the palm of her hand against herself.  Every noise he made sent a bolt of pleasure between her legs, and she was aching.

Bruce was no prude, he’d definitely take care of her afterwards.  She’d probably get knocked onto the floor in the process, but it would be worth it.

She relaxed her throat, taking a deep breath before she took him further.  She swallowed around him, letting her jaw and tongue relax too.  

He was whispering her name and she took just a little more of him in, a gag rising from her throat before she moved back and wrapped her hand around the base.  

Bruce’s hands gripped the back of her head, and his eyes were trained on her, on her mouth.  She glanced up, catching his gaze and proceeding to make a big filthy show of her lips wrapped around him.  She swirled her tongue like he was a lolly-pop and his hands tightened in her hair.  Not as if he was trying to force her, more like he was trying to hold on.  

“I’m…” he mumbled.  “M’ close…”  

She pumped her hand, following with her lips until he was seated in the back of her throat again.  He let out a strangled cry and his hips pumped forward, fucking her mouth.  

She released him with a pop and he fell backwards on the bed, his hand wrapped around the base of the condom.  

“Darcy…” he said simply.  

She cracked her jaw and sat back on her heels.  “I think the ice exacerbates the turgidity.”  

He chuckled.  “Turgidity only applies to plants.  Turgid can describe anything, but turgidity only applies to plants.”  

She pressed her lips together.  “There’s a Jolly Green Giant joke in there somewhere, but I’m too horny to think of it at the moment.”  

“Let me dispose of this,” he looked down at the condom.  “And I’ll be right with you…”  He stood and left the room. 

She beamed and crawled up on the bed. She gasped in surprise when his hands grasped at her hips from behind, tugging down her panties and ducking down beneath her.  

“Let me do you like this…” he whispered.  

“Is this for science too?” Darcy asked, winking as she tugged off her tank top.  

He looked up at her from between her legs and she could swear his eyes flashed green.  Whether or not it actually happened, it made her thighs tremble.  “No,” he answered.  “This is just for  _ me _ .” 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/), if that's a thing you do. <3


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